I read (a while ago) somewhere that no job under anyone else is ever secure. Your pay relies on someone who takes a good chunk of it for themselves, they can fire you when ever they choose for rules that they set. The only thing that you can possibly count on is that you get paid on the date that they tell you, and even then I know quite a few people who's bosses often push back their paychecks for various reason. I have no idea who decided that was secure.
I turned down a recent offer from a friend for a few reasons, I have three commitments that I stick to honorably. First, is haunt which I have been doing for a few years now. I am in LOVE with haunt it is something I plan to do until I physically can't anymore. Second, is renfaire which I only started doing last year but I adore it and it actually goes hand in hand with haunt. Thirdly, is necropolis where I take the pictures that you often see on my tumblr. Necropolis is like life to me, the people there are more than just some kids they are family, they are comfort. All of these are based around orange county, which I am trying my hardest to live in.
One of my reasons for not taking that job was that it is in Redlands, I live near Riverside now so that is only a 30 mile difference however with those commitments that I already have that adds a 20 mile extra. Any money I would be making would go to driving around, I wouldn't be able to save anything up.
Secondly, if I dealed with the problem above, I would probably over sleep often and make mistakes forcing me to quit or get fired. My friend who helped me get the job would be disappointed and because she is the hiring manager, her rep may go down because of it. I wouldn't put someone through that, especially if I knew that there was a chance I would have to quit with in a 6 month period.
Third, I know how easily I get depressed and whatnot. Lately I have been struggling greatly with suicidal thoughts, I refuse to push myself over the edge. Taking another job that I would get stuck in and that could possibly suck out my will to live because I have to keep spending all of my money to get there. And it sounds like I am being dramatic but truly I'm not.
The biggest reason that I don't care about having a normal job, is because I would rather live my life on as many of my terms as I can. I want to be able to sit and tell my brothers children all the wild and crazy times I had doing weird little jobs. I don't fit into any normal dichotomy, never really have. I would prefer to get my money thru small ways that I over see than to allow my pay to be monitored by someone else. There are small fluctuations in my income stream but mostly I always find of way of eating. It is completely pointless to have an average life in which I will hate over a life that I choose my paths and I end up loving and not regretting. That's really the end all be all in my mind. :/
Monday, March 12, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Let me say this, I have a doll fetish but that does not allow you to treat me as one.
I am NOT an animate object. I AM a person, a human being. I am not soulless or heartless. I SHOULD NEVER BE TREATED AS SUCH WITH OUT MY PERMISSION.
To be perfectly honest, there are times when it is okay to do that to me, I enjoy doll play, it is a fetish of mine. I like to stay still and be dressed and played with. But in everyday situations do not ever assume that I want to be thought of as some type of object in which you can obtain.
That is fucking wrong, and no one should be treated that way. I do not care who you are or where you were born, in whatever place, in whatever situation, you are a gawd damn person. You are, and no matter what you believe you have something inside you that makes you different from any other species on earth.
Recent events have made the facts resurface that I am often seen as something to be captured. This is not true.
However, it seems like whenever I willing want to be with someone, everyone else who has ever had any type of feelings for me gets angry at me. "Why him and not me? I don't understand, he is so special and I am not. How did he win you over? What did he do to get you? Why does he deserve you and I don't?"
These are ALL beyond ridiculous questions. No one is better than anyone else, I fully heartedly believe that. I never choose people because I think that they are better than someone. I fell in love with someone because of who they are, that's just how it is. I didn't test their qualities, I didn't compare them to others and then on some scale decided that they were better. I simply fell in love with them for them, and they proved to me (WITHOUT KNOWING MIGHT I ADD) that they loved me more than I could understand.
I went into this relationship, or whatever it is, without thinking this person would stay forever or thinking about our compatibility. Because I frankly don't care, I just wanted to be as close as I could to them. I wanted to be with them anyway I could, whether that be friendship or something more. No one seems to get this. They think that I either wiggled my way into their life or I decided that they were they best match for me, that isn't it at all.
THIS IS NOT SOME COMPETITION. This is my life, and sometimes things just happen. Sometime I just fall in love with people and then they fall back and we get together. I didn't hold some coliseum match to see who would win me!! I just lived my life, and this just went that way.
To be perfectly honest I don't even know how it all happened. But that doesn't mean that it is okay to ask me stupid questions on how someone is better than you, or why I seem to love them more than you. Love has different forms, just because the form for you seems weaker than for someone else doesn't mean it is. it simply means that someone that you aren't considering (probably because you too busy whining about me) is giving you the type of love you want and you just don't care.
The point of this little rant is: Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Never treat them as if they are to be won, treat everyone as if their feelings are your own.
To be perfectly honest, there are times when it is okay to do that to me, I enjoy doll play, it is a fetish of mine. I like to stay still and be dressed and played with. But in everyday situations do not ever assume that I want to be thought of as some type of object in which you can obtain.
That is fucking wrong, and no one should be treated that way. I do not care who you are or where you were born, in whatever place, in whatever situation, you are a gawd damn person. You are, and no matter what you believe you have something inside you that makes you different from any other species on earth.
Recent events have made the facts resurface that I am often seen as something to be captured. This is not true.
However, it seems like whenever I willing want to be with someone, everyone else who has ever had any type of feelings for me gets angry at me. "Why him and not me? I don't understand, he is so special and I am not. How did he win you over? What did he do to get you? Why does he deserve you and I don't?"
These are ALL beyond ridiculous questions. No one is better than anyone else, I fully heartedly believe that. I never choose people because I think that they are better than someone. I fell in love with someone because of who they are, that's just how it is. I didn't test their qualities, I didn't compare them to others and then on some scale decided that they were better. I simply fell in love with them for them, and they proved to me (WITHOUT KNOWING MIGHT I ADD) that they loved me more than I could understand.
I went into this relationship, or whatever it is, without thinking this person would stay forever or thinking about our compatibility. Because I frankly don't care, I just wanted to be as close as I could to them. I wanted to be with them anyway I could, whether that be friendship or something more. No one seems to get this. They think that I either wiggled my way into their life or I decided that they were they best match for me, that isn't it at all.
THIS IS NOT SOME COMPETITION. This is my life, and sometimes things just happen. Sometime I just fall in love with people and then they fall back and we get together. I didn't hold some coliseum match to see who would win me!! I just lived my life, and this just went that way.
To be perfectly honest I don't even know how it all happened. But that doesn't mean that it is okay to ask me stupid questions on how someone is better than you, or why I seem to love them more than you. Love has different forms, just because the form for you seems weaker than for someone else doesn't mean it is. it simply means that someone that you aren't considering (probably because you too busy whining about me) is giving you the type of love you want and you just don't care.
The point of this little rant is: Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Never treat them as if they are to be won, treat everyone as if their feelings are your own.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Okay you know what? FUCK YOU EYEBROWS
I am fucking DONE trying to be normal, I can't do it. I just can't! I tried you know I really did.
I thought that I could go to college and get a job and eventually be a normal person but it didn't work out that way. I think some weird big thing in the universe is telling me to go and be myself and be a fucking dork and just not care. I can't care, and now that I am trying to get more involved in clubs and whatnot I don't care. I am completely over it. So this week I am probably going to shave my hair into a death hawk again and buy more black eyeliner to draw my eyebrows on again and wreck my clothes and BE MY FUCKING SELF.
That's who I am, no one will really ever understand it. No one is going to get it you know. But at the end of the day I am me, I have to love myself and if this is the path I go down; so fucking be it. I am just so tired all the time, I move through the normal world like a gawddamn slug.
Then I get to club or at my friend's place and I am great, happy and fine and perfect. That's how I want to be all the time. I want to be free and happy and whatever all the time. I CAN NOT BE THIS FAKE PERSON ANYMORE. It is tearing me down I am not in high school, I am not a child and if I have to live on the streets in these filthy, graveyard clothes then FINE. It will be worth it.
You don't like it? Bloodline family or random person, fuck you. This is me I REFUSE to be a shadow of myself.
This all started because I wanted to fix my eyebrows and ended up fucking them up and shaving them which I have been wanting to do for years. So everything I have been wanting to do, is getting done. Yup it is happening...
I thought that I could go to college and get a job and eventually be a normal person but it didn't work out that way. I think some weird big thing in the universe is telling me to go and be myself and be a fucking dork and just not care. I can't care, and now that I am trying to get more involved in clubs and whatnot I don't care. I am completely over it. So this week I am probably going to shave my hair into a death hawk again and buy more black eyeliner to draw my eyebrows on again and wreck my clothes and BE MY FUCKING SELF.
That's who I am, no one will really ever understand it. No one is going to get it you know. But at the end of the day I am me, I have to love myself and if this is the path I go down; so fucking be it. I am just so tired all the time, I move through the normal world like a gawddamn slug.
Then I get to club or at my friend's place and I am great, happy and fine and perfect. That's how I want to be all the time. I want to be free and happy and whatever all the time. I CAN NOT BE THIS FAKE PERSON ANYMORE. It is tearing me down I am not in high school, I am not a child and if I have to live on the streets in these filthy, graveyard clothes then FINE. It will be worth it.
You don't like it? Bloodline family or random person, fuck you. This is me I REFUSE to be a shadow of myself.
This all started because I wanted to fix my eyebrows and ended up fucking them up and shaving them which I have been wanting to do for years. So everything I have been wanting to do, is getting done. Yup it is happening...
Friday, December 30, 2011
Sooooo this blog is a bust
Filling out a self love diary, is not my cup of tea....if I drank tea instead coffee. I have been beyond insane lately, a hundred memories have gone by that I have not written about. I was in Big Bear for a while, with one of the greatest girls I have ever had the pleasure to know. I've lost and gained friends, I've realized that I seriously have many guy friends. And of course the holiday madness.
But mostly I have learned how extremely socially awkward I am.
I really really am!
Even the boy I am in love with was posted as awkward, which is in fact, fantastic.
I do not completely care about this because I am usually in situations in which I don't need to be social. My two best friends allow me to hide from the world without repercussion or needing to get out. I love them. I love them beyond any doubt, seriously without them I am not positive I could have lived this year.
And that is a hard thing to admit, extremely.
It's amazing, truly that I can admit that I think about self destruction and homicide at least once a day. I am recently learning that this isn't normal. I had this misguided vision that it was and that people just pretended to be happy about things. But I was misguided, some people ARE truly happy and I am the one who pretends that they aren't.
And whether those people are happy putting others down or only caring about themselves or being pretentious prissy assholes, they are still happy. Who am I to judge them? If I don't want to be judged then I shouldn't hate on anyone else's happy, no matter how they find it.
But I am getting off subject, my happiness is slowly coming, and strangely I've been feeling (mainly due to holiday trauma) that I am back in high school. Where I am dealing with my emotions, with ideas floating about life and who I should be, it's all there except without the shitty buildings and boring classes. Oh and the forceful lime lights at time.
"high school counts for jack shit" (Tate, swoons) and that's the truth, but that weird hierarchy that all the school specials complain about, is real and when you leave school it goes from a hierarchy to these weird overlapping ven-diagram groups in which a few stragglers like to dip their toes in other circles and let everyone assume that they are well rounded... they aren't, not really. They are just people with hobbies and interests.
And those circles have smaller circles in them that have the same effect. Do not listen to what people tell you, those circles matter, and you have to remember them in order to survive. Individually they don't count, they are just an afterthought, but in the big picture when your going to clubs or work or social activities, they do. Remember this: peoples interests and their hobbies, minor things that you remember about the circles that they are in, will make them happier than shit.
I've learned this through, well, through testing but in a bigger part through people doing it to me. I love when people remember things that I've told them about myself. My happiness has been stemming from the people closest to me remembering me, as well as my own realization that they have always remembered me, and that is part of the reason I love them so much.
They remember me, and sometimes that's all I've ever needed.
But mostly I have learned how extremely socially awkward I am.
I really really am!
Even the boy I am in love with was posted as awkward, which is in fact, fantastic.
I do not completely care about this because I am usually in situations in which I don't need to be social. My two best friends allow me to hide from the world without repercussion or needing to get out. I love them. I love them beyond any doubt, seriously without them I am not positive I could have lived this year.
And that is a hard thing to admit, extremely.
It's amazing, truly that I can admit that I think about self destruction and homicide at least once a day. I am recently learning that this isn't normal. I had this misguided vision that it was and that people just pretended to be happy about things. But I was misguided, some people ARE truly happy and I am the one who pretends that they aren't.
And whether those people are happy putting others down or only caring about themselves or being pretentious prissy assholes, they are still happy. Who am I to judge them? If I don't want to be judged then I shouldn't hate on anyone else's happy, no matter how they find it.
But I am getting off subject, my happiness is slowly coming, and strangely I've been feeling (mainly due to holiday trauma) that I am back in high school. Where I am dealing with my emotions, with ideas floating about life and who I should be, it's all there except without the shitty buildings and boring classes. Oh and the forceful lime lights at time.
"high school counts for jack shit" (Tate, swoons) and that's the truth, but that weird hierarchy that all the school specials complain about, is real and when you leave school it goes from a hierarchy to these weird overlapping ven-diagram groups in which a few stragglers like to dip their toes in other circles and let everyone assume that they are well rounded... they aren't, not really. They are just people with hobbies and interests.
And those circles have smaller circles in them that have the same effect. Do not listen to what people tell you, those circles matter, and you have to remember them in order to survive. Individually they don't count, they are just an afterthought, but in the big picture when your going to clubs or work or social activities, they do. Remember this: peoples interests and their hobbies, minor things that you remember about the circles that they are in, will make them happier than shit.
I've learned this through, well, through testing but in a bigger part through people doing it to me. I love when people remember things that I've told them about myself. My happiness has been stemming from the people closest to me remembering me, as well as my own realization that they have always remembered me, and that is part of the reason I love them so much.
They remember me, and sometimes that's all I've ever needed.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
It's Officially Fall!!! (A List)
Which means that Haunt has taken over my life!!! YAY! So I thought I'd share my Top Ten favorite things about fall. (In no particular order)
1. Starbucks has pumpkin everything!
2. Colder weather which means I can wear sweaters!
3. Halloween!!!
4. Working at Knott's Halloween Haunt!
5. Leaves changing!
6. Flavors of fall! (A lot of spices and breads)
7. Darker colors!
8. I dunno why but everything is calmer and quieter during Fall.
9. Rain storms!
10. Scarecrows and Thanksgiving Harvest.
I loves Fall to the max! Hopefully I will have a TON of Halloween and Haunt post coming up as well as more Cameo evolution and collections to show off. :)
Love and Pumpkin Spice,
Morose Corsair
1. Starbucks has pumpkin everything!
2. Colder weather which means I can wear sweaters!
3. Halloween!!!
4. Working at Knott's Halloween Haunt!
5. Leaves changing!
6. Flavors of fall! (A lot of spices and breads)
7. Darker colors!
8. I dunno why but everything is calmer and quieter during Fall.
9. Rain storms!
10. Scarecrows and Thanksgiving Harvest.
Love and Pumpkin Spice,
Morose Corsair
Monday, September 12, 2011
What I've been up to
Mostly I've been making cameos, I originally started to simply make them for myself, because I wanted cool Bela Lugosi ones and the lady that used to sell them on Etsy.... Well I can't seem to find her any more. So I started to make them for myself, but them people saw them and said hey! You should sell those! Which I thought was a great idea because I had ideas for ones that I probably wouldn't wear but I'm sure someone else might. (Like Batman villains, or My Little Pony ones). Here are the first set that I made for myself (the next set are much more colorful)
I'm really excited for, what I'm calling; my collections, the Metal Mania ones are the hardest so far, picking bands that I think would sell, and trying to get the album covers people will recognize. But because I am a self deemed metal head, I refuse to do bands that people say they like but don't. Like the Ramones or Kiss or something like that. (I mean seriously, how many people knew love gun was a kiss song before that guy on Role Models said something?) Unless, I get asked to make those, I probably won't. Call me biased I frank don't care, I am, it's whatever. If you want me to make you a cameo with something I don't like I will, for you, but I won't mass produce them. Cause that is just perpetuating the stereotype that you actually know what your wearing, but you don't and that isn't fair to those of us (like myself) who do know and care about stuff like that. Let Walmart sell you a Misfits shirt even though you've never heard of horror punk or Danzig, but I will not mass produce that. Like I said if you want one and you ask me I'll make one for you, no extra cost and I'm not going to quiz you or anything (because obviously you asking means you or someone around you likes that band or character or the art work or something, so I'm cool with that) but don't try to tell me to make more for others, if those people want them they can ask too. It's no big deal. If they don't ask then they really didn't want it, did they?
But anyway, my upcoming trends will be a mix of horror movies and kid shows and music. I'll post links on all my sites when I'm ready to sell them :)
Love and clay,
Morose Corsair
But anyway, my upcoming trends will be a mix of horror movies and kid shows and music. I'll post links on all my sites when I'm ready to sell them :)
Love and clay,
Morose Corsair
Thursday, September 1, 2011
tumblr, Tumblr, TUMBLR
So lately I have discovered tumblr which is this great mini blog site where you are allowed, if not encouraged to reblog many people's creations to make a hodge podge collection of posts that are totally you. It's AWESOME. I thought that I would share some of my favorite blogs with you :)
http://pokexfashion.tumblr.com/ = this is basically pokemon that are pasted into fashion photos in an interesting and intricate way.
http://die-for-dethklok.tumblr.com/ = because you should praise this band, but also because they have the greatest GIF collection of DETHKLOK EVER!
http://razorderockefeller.tumblr.com/ = I've known about this lady since I was in high school, she is an Ah-mazing person, she fights for bigger ladies every where as well as make and horror enthusists, plus she plays in an intergender rollerderby league with her hubby Spooky. She is just awesome sauce!
http://fuckyeahpunkjackets.tumblr.com/ = this is a blog all about punk jackets/ vests, people submit pictures of their creations to it and the collection is huge! And varies from punk to rockabilly to gay pride, it's pretty rad to see what people are willing to wear to show off themselves.
http://sweetmisfit.tumblr.com/ = this is another sweet lady but this one is into a lot of rockabilly and horror punk type stuff but some of the pin up stuff that she shows are worth the looking.
http://dirtydisneydames.tumblr.com/ = this blog isn't really as dirty as it sounds but some of the posts are compared to Disney standards! Lol
Those are only a few of the thousands of blogs on tumblr, if you have have one and you'd like to follow me on there my link is http://morosecorsair.tumblr.com/#about
Love and leopard print,
Morose Corsair
http://pokexfashion.tumblr.com/ = this is basically pokemon that are pasted into fashion photos in an interesting and intricate way.
http://die-for-dethklok.tumblr.com/ = because you should praise this band, but also because they have the greatest GIF collection of DETHKLOK EVER!
http://razorderockefeller.tumblr.com/ = I've known about this lady since I was in high school, she is an Ah-mazing person, she fights for bigger ladies every where as well as make and horror enthusists, plus she plays in an intergender rollerderby league with her hubby Spooky. She is just awesome sauce!
http://fuckyeahpunkjackets.tumblr.com/ = this is a blog all about punk jackets/ vests, people submit pictures of their creations to it and the collection is huge! And varies from punk to rockabilly to gay pride, it's pretty rad to see what people are willing to wear to show off themselves.
http://sweetmisfit.tumblr.com/ = this is another sweet lady but this one is into a lot of rockabilly and horror punk type stuff but some of the pin up stuff that she shows are worth the looking.
http://dirtydisneydames.tumblr.com/ = this blog isn't really as dirty as it sounds but some of the posts are compared to Disney standards! Lol
Those are only a few of the thousands of blogs on tumblr, if you have have one and you'd like to follow me on there my link is http://morosecorsair.tumblr.com/#about
Love and leopard print,
Morose Corsair
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)