The prominent reason I don't care about having a "Normal, secure job"

I read (a while ago) somewhere that no job under anyone else is ever secure. Your pay relies on someone who takes a good chunk of it for themselves, they can fire you when ever they choose for rules that they set. The only thing that you can possibly count on is that you get paid on the date that they tell you, and even then I know quite a few people who's bosses often push back their paychecks for various reason. I have no idea who decided that was secure.
I turned down a recent offer from a friend for a few reasons, I have three commitments that I stick to honorably. First, is haunt which I have been doing for a few years now. I am in LOVE with haunt it is something I plan to do until I physically can't anymore. Second, is renfaire which I only started doing last year but I adore it and it actually goes hand in hand with haunt. Thirdly, is necropolis where I take the pictures that you often see on my tumblr. Necropolis is like life to me, the people there are more than just some kids they are family, they are comfort. All of these are based around orange county, which I am trying my hardest to live in.
One of my reasons for not taking that job was that it is in Redlands, I live near Riverside now so that is only a 30 mile difference however with those commitments that I already have that adds a 20 mile extra. Any money I would be making would go to driving around, I wouldn't be able to save anything up.
Secondly, if I dealed with the problem above, I would probably over sleep often and make mistakes forcing me to quit or get fired. My friend who helped me get the job would be disappointed and because she is the hiring manager, her rep may go down because of it. I wouldn't put someone through that, especially if I knew that there was a chance I would have to quit with in a 6 month period.
Third, I know how easily I get depressed and whatnot. Lately I have been struggling greatly with suicidal thoughts, I refuse to push myself over the edge. Taking another job that I would get stuck in and that could possibly suck out my will to live because I have to keep spending all of my money to get there. And it sounds like I am being dramatic but truly I'm not.

The biggest reason that I don't care about having a normal job, is because I would rather live my life on as many of my terms as I can. I want to be able to sit and tell my brothers children all the wild and crazy times I had doing weird little jobs. I don't fit into any normal dichotomy, never really have. I would prefer to get my money thru small ways that I over see than to allow my pay to be monitored by someone else. There are small fluctuations in my income stream but mostly I always find of way of eating. It is completely pointless to have an average life in which I will hate over a life that I choose my paths and I end up loving and not regretting. That's really the end all be all in my mind. :/

Let me say this, I have a doll fetish but that does not allow you to treat me as one.

I am NOT  an animate object. I AM a person, a human being. I am not soulless or heartless. I SHOULD NEVER BE TREATED AS SUCH WITH OUT MY PERMISSION.
To be perfectly honest, there are times when it is okay to do that to me, I enjoy doll play, it is a fetish of mine. I like to stay still and be dressed and played with. But in everyday situations do not ever assume that I want to be thought of as some type of object in which you can obtain.
That is fucking wrong, and no one should be treated that way. I do not care who you are or where you were born, in whatever place, in whatever situation, you are a gawd damn person. You are, and no matter what you believe you have something inside you that makes you different from any other species on earth.
Recent events have made the facts resurface that I am often seen as something to be captured. This is not true.
However, it seems like whenever I willing want to be with someone, everyone else who has ever had any type of feelings for me gets angry at me. "Why him and not me? I don't understand, he is so special and I am not. How did he win you over? What did he do to get you? Why does he deserve you and I don't?"
These are ALL beyond ridiculous questions. No one is better than anyone else, I fully heartedly believe that. I never choose people because I think that they are better than someone. I fell in love with someone because of who they are, that's just how it is. I didn't test their qualities, I didn't compare them to others and then on some scale decided that they were better. I simply fell in love with them for them, and they proved to me (WITHOUT KNOWING MIGHT I ADD) that they loved me more than I could understand.
I went into this relationship, or whatever it is, without thinking this person would stay forever or thinking about our compatibility. Because I frankly don't care, I just wanted to be as close as I could to them. I wanted to be with them anyway I could, whether that be friendship or something more. No one seems to get this. They think that I either wiggled my way into their life or I decided that they were they best match for me, that isn't it at all.
THIS IS NOT SOME COMPETITION. This is my life, and sometimes things just happen. Sometime I just fall in love with people and then they fall back and we get together. I didn't hold some coliseum match to see who would win me!! I just lived my life, and this just went that way.
To be perfectly honest I don't even know how it all happened. But that doesn't mean that it is okay to ask me stupid questions on how someone is better than you, or why I seem to love them more than you. Love has different forms, just because the form for you seems weaker than for someone else doesn't mean it is. it simply means that someone that you aren't considering (probably because you too busy whining about me) is giving you the type of love you want and you just don't care.

The point of this little rant is: Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Never treat them as if they are to be won, treat everyone as if their feelings are your own.

Okay you know what? FUCK YOU EYEBROWS

I am fucking DONE trying to be normal, I can't do it. I just can't! I tried you know I really did.
I thought that I could go to college and get a job and eventually be a normal person but it didn't work out that way. I think some weird big thing in the universe is telling me to go and be myself and be a fucking dork and just not care. I can't care, and now that I am trying to get more involved in clubs and whatnot I don't care. I am completely over it. So this week I am probably going to shave my hair into a death hawk again and buy more black eyeliner to draw my eyebrows on again and wreck my clothes and BE MY FUCKING SELF.
That's who I am, no one will really ever understand it. No one is going to get it you know. But at the end of the day I am me, I have to love myself and if this is the path I go down; so fucking be it. I am just so tired all the time, I move through the normal world like a gawddamn slug.
Then I get to club or at my friend's place and I am great, happy and fine and perfect. That's how I want to be all the time. I want to be free and happy and whatever all the time. I CAN NOT BE THIS FAKE PERSON ANYMORE. It is tearing me down I am not in high school, I am not a child and if I have to live on the streets in these filthy, graveyard clothes then FINE. It will be worth it.
You don't like it? Bloodline family or random person, fuck you. This is me I REFUSE to be a shadow of myself.
This all started because I wanted to fix my eyebrows and ended up fucking them up and shaving them which I have been wanting to do for years. So everything I have been wanting to do, is getting done. Yup it is happening...