Let me say this, I have a doll fetish but that does not allow you to treat me as one.

I am NOT  an animate object. I AM a person, a human being. I am not soulless or heartless. I SHOULD NEVER BE TREATED AS SUCH WITH OUT MY PERMISSION.
To be perfectly honest, there are times when it is okay to do that to me, I enjoy doll play, it is a fetish of mine. I like to stay still and be dressed and played with. But in everyday situations do not ever assume that I want to be thought of as some type of object in which you can obtain.
That is fucking wrong, and no one should be treated that way. I do not care who you are or where you were born, in whatever place, in whatever situation, you are a gawd damn person. You are, and no matter what you believe you have something inside you that makes you different from any other species on earth.
Recent events have made the facts resurface that I am often seen as something to be captured. This is not true.
However, it seems like whenever I willing want to be with someone, everyone else who has ever had any type of feelings for me gets angry at me. "Why him and not me? I don't understand, he is so special and I am not. How did he win you over? What did he do to get you? Why does he deserve you and I don't?"
These are ALL beyond ridiculous questions. No one is better than anyone else, I fully heartedly believe that. I never choose people because I think that they are better than someone. I fell in love with someone because of who they are, that's just how it is. I didn't test their qualities, I didn't compare them to others and then on some scale decided that they were better. I simply fell in love with them for them, and they proved to me (WITHOUT KNOWING MIGHT I ADD) that they loved me more than I could understand.
I went into this relationship, or whatever it is, without thinking this person would stay forever or thinking about our compatibility. Because I frankly don't care, I just wanted to be as close as I could to them. I wanted to be with them anyway I could, whether that be friendship or something more. No one seems to get this. They think that I either wiggled my way into their life or I decided that they were they best match for me, that isn't it at all.
THIS IS NOT SOME COMPETITION. This is my life, and sometimes things just happen. Sometime I just fall in love with people and then they fall back and we get together. I didn't hold some coliseum match to see who would win me!! I just lived my life, and this just went that way.
To be perfectly honest I don't even know how it all happened. But that doesn't mean that it is okay to ask me stupid questions on how someone is better than you, or why I seem to love them more than you. Love has different forms, just because the form for you seems weaker than for someone else doesn't mean it is. it simply means that someone that you aren't considering (probably because you too busy whining about me) is giving you the type of love you want and you just don't care.

The point of this little rant is: Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Never treat them as if they are to be won, treat everyone as if their feelings are your own.

Okay you know what? FUCK YOU EYEBROWS

I am fucking DONE trying to be normal, I can't do it. I just can't! I tried you know I really did.
I thought that I could go to college and get a job and eventually be a normal person but it didn't work out that way. I think some weird big thing in the universe is telling me to go and be myself and be a fucking dork and just not care. I can't care, and now that I am trying to get more involved in clubs and whatnot I don't care. I am completely over it. So this week I am probably going to shave my hair into a death hawk again and buy more black eyeliner to draw my eyebrows on again and wreck my clothes and BE MY FUCKING SELF.
That's who I am, no one will really ever understand it. No one is going to get it you know. But at the end of the day I am me, I have to love myself and if this is the path I go down; so fucking be it. I am just so tired all the time, I move through the normal world like a gawddamn slug.
Then I get to club or at my friend's place and I am great, happy and fine and perfect. That's how I want to be all the time. I want to be free and happy and whatever all the time. I CAN NOT BE THIS FAKE PERSON ANYMORE. It is tearing me down I am not in high school, I am not a child and if I have to live on the streets in these filthy, graveyard clothes then FINE. It will be worth it.
You don't like it? Bloodline family or random person, fuck you. This is me I REFUSE to be a shadow of myself.
This all started because I wanted to fix my eyebrows and ended up fucking them up and shaving them which I have been wanting to do for years. So everything I have been wanting to do, is getting done. Yup it is happening...